Mason James
You came into this world early on a cold friday morning. February 11, 2011. Your Birthday was supposed to be June 22, 2011.
I held you for a very short time and kissed your sweet little face.
Though I know you were a very sick baby letting you go is not easy. I am relieved to know that you did not and will not suffer or feel any pain. Leaving the hospital without you in my arms is the hollowest, empty, most painful thing I have ever felt in my life. I longed and still long to hold you and love you everyday. The early mornings and late nights are the hardest, when it's too quiet and there is nothing to distract me.
I can't help but wonder why life is created at all if it was just meant to be lost or taken away before it even began.
I feel as though every beat of my heart and every breath I take is painful. I have ultra sound pictures, your footprints, your blankets that you were wrapped in at birth, and a few books and things that were meant to be yours. These things will never be you and it hurts so much to know I will never hold you or continue to carry you inside my body again. I only got 5 short months with you. I do not look back and regret these months, I treasure them. I only wish I could have carried you 4 more months and brought you home as a healthy, chubby, baby boy. I miss feeling the tiny flutters you made inside my belly. Now it is just still and it it makes me so sad. I know it wasn't meant to be but I can't stop thinking about what could have been, what should have been.
I have never felt so empty in my entire life. Like a part of me is missing forever. Not just missing torn and taken away without my permission. It isn't fair. Life isn't fair. There is no rhyme or reason as to why bad things happen.
I sometimes think to myself, "what did I do to deserve this?" "Is there something bad I did or came in contact with that caused this?"
I know these questions are pointless and can never be answered but it is a constant thought. I had a dream last night that I was still pregnant with you and when I woke up I felt like you died all over again. I feel like I'm dying
I feel as if nothing will ever take this pain away.
My sweet baby Mason I love you more than words can ever express. I pray for you everyday that you are safe in heaven in the loving arms of my family and friends who are on the other side. Please wait there for me. Please let me see your face again when I someday cross over to where you are.
I will miss you until that day my sweet baby.
I held you for a very short time and kissed your sweet little face.
Though I know you were a very sick baby letting you go is not easy. I am relieved to know that you did not and will not suffer or feel any pain. Leaving the hospital without you in my arms is the hollowest, empty, most painful thing I have ever felt in my life. I longed and still long to hold you and love you everyday. The early mornings and late nights are the hardest, when it's too quiet and there is nothing to distract me.
I can't help but wonder why life is created at all if it was just meant to be lost or taken away before it even began.
I feel as though every beat of my heart and every breath I take is painful. I have ultra sound pictures, your footprints, your blankets that you were wrapped in at birth, and a few books and things that were meant to be yours. These things will never be you and it hurts so much to know I will never hold you or continue to carry you inside my body again. I only got 5 short months with you. I do not look back and regret these months, I treasure them. I only wish I could have carried you 4 more months and brought you home as a healthy, chubby, baby boy. I miss feeling the tiny flutters you made inside my belly. Now it is just still and it it makes me so sad. I know it wasn't meant to be but I can't stop thinking about what could have been, what should have been.
I have never felt so empty in my entire life. Like a part of me is missing forever. Not just missing torn and taken away without my permission. It isn't fair. Life isn't fair. There is no rhyme or reason as to why bad things happen.
I sometimes think to myself, "what did I do to deserve this?" "Is there something bad I did or came in contact with that caused this?"
I know these questions are pointless and can never be answered but it is a constant thought. I had a dream last night that I was still pregnant with you and when I woke up I felt like you died all over again. I feel like I'm dying
I feel as if nothing will ever take this pain away.
My sweet baby Mason I love you more than words can ever express. I pray for you everyday that you are safe in heaven in the loving arms of my family and friends who are on the other side. Please wait there for me. Please let me see your face again when I someday cross over to where you are.
I will miss you until that day my sweet baby.
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