The Daft, Demented, and Delirious

Dear customers, Christmas is but a few short months away and in preparation for this holy cluster fuck of a holiday I have a few questions, important directives and information for you to review. First off why is it that a certain product/item that is for sale in my store will stay untouched/unsold for weeks and weeks, until I have to re-merchandise the product/item and/or move it to a new location? Then suddenly like a stampede of wild buffalo; herds of you crazy shoppers charge all around me attempting to molest me and the once uninteresting product/item. Why are all customers always so predictable and annoying? Why do you hold in your BM's all day while you leisurely stroll and shop about the strip mall and dine for two hours at Red Robin, ( where there are numerous bathroom stalls ) until you get into my store and then decide you have to take a giant SHIT and blow up my tiny rest room? WHY CUSTOMER do you complain about the prices and tell me that Target has whatever product...

I find it hard to "live in the moment". I am constantly surrounded by my own never ending thought process. I think about where I'm going and what I'm doing and wonder if I will ever find what or where it is that I'm supposed to be. I have been soul searching for endless years and I still come up empty handed and confused. The more I try to figure myself out the more tangled up and destroyed I become. I'm much like a heaping, tangled, pile of gold necklaces. I could be wonderful and beautiful but every time I try and unravel the deep knots all around me the task becomes too overwhelming and I'm left broken, damaged, or rendered useless. I want more than anything to be able to appreciate the world around me for what it is and to find inner peace and happiness. I'm strong but my strength often arises from a dark place where I have been hurt, misled, and abused. I'm currently disconnected to the sadness I used to feel everyday but I secretly wonder w...

far away I can't reach the things I once loved so much and couln't seem to ever live without Nothing is important I barely live at all In the middle of a circle where no one sees me anymore I see them all laugh, smile, joke, live their lives I'm stuck inside watching them alll live, watching them all be happy Watching them all forget I was ever even here at all.

She'll make you laugh though she always cries She'll make you want to live even when she wants to die She'll make sure you're brave and get what you deserve she truly loves life but just really hates hers Secret so deep, secrets so dark once a great fire, no longer a spark The pain stops her life dead in it's tracks a miserable folly with never ending acts She'll bring you up and then throw herself down a sad sight to see the tears of a clown

God blesses those who suffer but the suffering seems to go on without end? There's no time to count your blessings when hatred is your only friend There's no time for the sun to shine on your face when blackness is all you can find Heavy heart and acheing thoughts I just want to leave this all behind All I want is you but you can't hold a razor blade this tight you can't tell somone you love them when you're constantly losing the fight Your heart can't beat with love when all it does is bleed with pain bringing life into this world just to kill it with all the blame should've appreciated more, should've had more dreams, should've cried less should've laughed a lot more, should've lived more, should've done my best How can you give up when you never really tried? How can you hold on when what your holding onto is lies? you won't even listen to what I say or how I feel you think I'm happy but this smile isn't real It's hard ...

I hate days like today. Days where I can't get off the ground. Days that feel like my life is on a permenant pause. I hate days like today. All I want to do is cry. Days where nothing feels right. Days where I hate myself. Days that go on for weeks and months. Days that never end. I hate days that I can't breath. Days that I can't go outside. Days that I'm the reason I do nothing. Days that I choke. Days that I can't be a friend. I can't be a wife. I can't clean my house. I can't take care of myself. I can't be part of a family. I can't call you because you don't understand it. I can't talk about it because I can't even explain it. Days and days and days. Days where my head feels so full it might burst or crack. I want to scream. I want to yell. I want to smash everything around me. I hate days when I realize I'm already broken. Not falling, not cracking, not peeling, not breaking I've been shattered. I hate days when my heart...

not a problem you can solve not a wound you can heal not a word you can speak not an emotion you can feel not a darkeness in need of light not a soul in need of saving not a child to scold not a liar who's behaving not the words in a letter not the lyrics to a song not knowing what is right not knowing what is wrong