Things You Should Know About Working In Retail
Dear customers,
Christmas is but a few short months away and in preparation for this holy cluster fuck of a holiday I have a few questions, important directives and information for you to review.
First off why is it that a certain product/item that is for sale in my store will stay untouched/unsold for weeks and weeks, until I have to re-merchandise the product/item and/or move it to a new location?
Then suddenly like a stampede of wild buffalo; herds of you crazy shoppers charge all around me attempting to molest me and the once uninteresting product/item.
Why are all customers always so predictable and annoying?
Why do you hold in your BM's all day while you leisurely stroll and shop about the strip mall and dine for two hours at Red Robin,
( where there are numerous bathroom stalls ) until you get into my store and then decide you have to take a giant SHIT and blow up my tiny rest room?
WHY CUSTOMER do you complain about the prices and tell me that Target has whatever product that you're currently bitching about for a cheaper price? I don't care! I don't own the store and if you don't like the price, GO SHOP AT FUCKING TARGET!
Why do you ask for discounts and coupons that obviously don't exist? Why do you ask me if you can use your expired coupons? There is an expiration date for a reason and it's to let you know how long the coupon is good for!
Why do you think because I work in retail that I am a dumb, uneducated, societal reject with no common sense or intelligence?
Why do you think I should remove and peel off all the prices from everything you purchase because you just got a manicure at the place across the street? Just because you're wealthy doesn't mean I should do everything for you while you shop in my store.
Why do you constantly ask me to gift wrap? We don't gift wrap and we didn't gift wrap the last time you asked!!!! If we did gift wrap I'd tell you. No we still don't gift wrap even if you will pay for it! Are you really that lazy? We sell wrapping paper and tape and even gift bags, can't you handle that?
Please stop asking me to pick out gifts for your mother-in-law, ten year old niece, nanny, aunt, and sick grandmother! I don't know them they're your family member not mine! Gifts should be personal and I have no idea what they like because I DON'T KNOW THEM!!!!
Also If I am making an invitation for you in the invitation and stationary department please do not tell me how to do my job! The computer program takes about three months to learn and I doubt you can master it in three minutes! Never, EVER, touch my mouse, price gun, scanner, or anything I am currently holding! Please don't ask me for help or ask me a question when I am on a step ladder or clearly helping another helpless and socially retarded customer just like you!
Why do you let your five young children run, play, and fuck up my store while you look at cards and costume jewelry?
Just because candy is in a basket or glass bowl on a display does not mean it is a free sample!
Please stop leaving coffee, soda, half eaten food/candy and goldfish crackers on my floor!
No I have not seen your ninety year old grandmother, great aunt, or client who may or may not have come in my store an hour ago! they're ninety why didn't you keep an eye on them?
Were you too busy looking at cards and costume jewelry again?
When I am wheeling a cart of products out onto the sales floor this does not mean you should ambush me in an attempt to be the first person to grab a new item off my cart. The stuff I'm putting out is probably the same old junk we always have.
If I am holding my purse and taking off my apron that means I am most likely going on break or leaving for the day and NO I don't want to help you before I do so! Same rule applies if I am putting my apron on or putting away my purse as this means I just got here and I need to punch in and finish what I am doing before I can help you!
Thank you kindly for reviewing this important information.
Please hesitate before you ask me anything else!
Annoyed severely;
Erin Cautillo
Christmas is but a few short months away and in preparation for this holy cluster fuck of a holiday I have a few questions, important directives and information for you to review.
First off why is it that a certain product/item that is for sale in my store will stay untouched/unsold for weeks and weeks, until I have to re-merchandise the product/item and/or move it to a new location?
Then suddenly like a stampede of wild buffalo; herds of you crazy shoppers charge all around me attempting to molest me and the once uninteresting product/item.
Why are all customers always so predictable and annoying?
Why do you hold in your BM's all day while you leisurely stroll and shop about the strip mall and dine for two hours at Red Robin,
( where there are numerous bathroom stalls ) until you get into my store and then decide you have to take a giant SHIT and blow up my tiny rest room?
WHY CUSTOMER do you complain about the prices and tell me that Target has whatever product that you're currently bitching about for a cheaper price? I don't care! I don't own the store and if you don't like the price, GO SHOP AT FUCKING TARGET!
Why do you ask for discounts and coupons that obviously don't exist? Why do you ask me if you can use your expired coupons? There is an expiration date for a reason and it's to let you know how long the coupon is good for!
Why do you think because I work in retail that I am a dumb, uneducated, societal reject with no common sense or intelligence?
Why do you think I should remove and peel off all the prices from everything you purchase because you just got a manicure at the place across the street? Just because you're wealthy doesn't mean I should do everything for you while you shop in my store.
Why do you constantly ask me to gift wrap? We don't gift wrap and we didn't gift wrap the last time you asked!!!! If we did gift wrap I'd tell you. No we still don't gift wrap even if you will pay for it! Are you really that lazy? We sell wrapping paper and tape and even gift bags, can't you handle that?
Please stop asking me to pick out gifts for your mother-in-law, ten year old niece, nanny, aunt, and sick grandmother! I don't know them they're your family member not mine! Gifts should be personal and I have no idea what they like because I DON'T KNOW THEM!!!!
Also If I am making an invitation for you in the invitation and stationary department please do not tell me how to do my job! The computer program takes about three months to learn and I doubt you can master it in three minutes! Never, EVER, touch my mouse, price gun, scanner, or anything I am currently holding! Please don't ask me for help or ask me a question when I am on a step ladder or clearly helping another helpless and socially retarded customer just like you!
Why do you let your five young children run, play, and fuck up my store while you look at cards and costume jewelry?
Just because candy is in a basket or glass bowl on a display does not mean it is a free sample!
Please stop leaving coffee, soda, half eaten food/candy and goldfish crackers on my floor!
No I have not seen your ninety year old grandmother, great aunt, or client who may or may not have come in my store an hour ago! they're ninety why didn't you keep an eye on them?
Were you too busy looking at cards and costume jewelry again?
When I am wheeling a cart of products out onto the sales floor this does not mean you should ambush me in an attempt to be the first person to grab a new item off my cart. The stuff I'm putting out is probably the same old junk we always have.
If I am holding my purse and taking off my apron that means I am most likely going on break or leaving for the day and NO I don't want to help you before I do so! Same rule applies if I am putting my apron on or putting away my purse as this means I just got here and I need to punch in and finish what I am doing before I can help you!
Thank you kindly for reviewing this important information.
Please hesitate before you ask me anything else!
Annoyed severely;
Erin Cautillo
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