Alone In The World

I hate days like today.
Days where I can't get off the ground.
Days that feel like my life is on a permenant pause.
I hate days like today.
All I want to do is cry.
Days where nothing feels right.
Days where I hate myself.
Days that go on for weeks and months.
Days that never end.
I hate days that I can't breath.
Days that I can't go outside.
Days that I'm the reason I do nothing.
Days that I choke.
Days that I can't be a friend.
I can't be a wife.
I can't clean my house.
I can't take care of myself.
I can't be part of a family.
I can't call you because you don't understand it.
I can't talk about it because I can't even explain it.
Days and days and days.
Days where my head feels so full it might burst or crack.
I want to scream.
I want to yell.
I want to smash everything around me.
I hate days when I realize I'm already broken.
Not falling, not cracking, not peeling, not breaking
I've been shattered.
I hate days when my heart is on the floor.
Days when I hurt so much that I wish for numbness.
Days where I realize there's no way out.
Days I can't shut off.
Days I can't tune out.
Days that make me a prisoner.

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