Drifting On Autopilot
if you're trying to talk to the old me, she doesn't live here anymore. She's gone. Don't bother to leave a message. I don't think she'll be back.
Days like today I have these moments of almost pure clarity or as I like to think a glimpse of my real, deeper self. The me that has gotten buried by emotional landslides, storms, and far too many natural disasters of the emotional spectrum. I'm in a reflective water like mood where I sort of come to an understanding of who I really am and who I have become. I am flooded with deep thoughts that come and go like streams and waves. I am liquid.
I sit alone sipping my morning coffee, looking out into the silent, sunny, morning. Protected by my house from the outside world. I sit and look at life though my bay windows. The swaying trees are beautiful and the grass is green. It's spring again and the once lifeless, gray, and cold steel sky is blue again. Life is in full bloom. The air is Chilly but it doesn't hurt my skin anymore. The sun has come to warm my bones and my heart is thawing out though I thought it would remain frozen forever. The seasons always seem to mimic my own feelings. I have always been so in tune with nature though at times I have tried to turn my back on it. I seem to always come back. In the coldest, harshest, days of winter I fear that I will never again feel warm and happy but today I realize I am. Even if it is temporary. I stop to crack open my windows and momentarily take in the heavily pollenated air.
There really are so many simple pleasures that I ignore or fail to see when I am blinded my my own pain, sadness, anger, and grief. Yes I tend to be quite miserable sometimes.
Anger and sadness are the outlaws of emotions. They carelessly rob you of all your finer things. If you're not careful they will leave you with nothing at all.
I seem to drift in and out of sleep, in and out of work, in and out of days. The drifting in and out becomes my routine and the days then turn into weeks and even months at times. Drifting is no way to live. Living in silence with my own thoughts can be lonely, cumbersome, and scary. I often find myself functioning on autopilot. Functioning on autopilot, though at times necessary to protect your fragile, emotional self is NOT truly a way to live. You miss a lot of life when you travel that way. If you don't stop and take in the scenery you might get lost and forget where you are or even who you are.
Today I will leave the protective shelter of my house and look at the beauty of the life blooming around me. You can see many things from a bay window, inside your protective shelter but if you never go outside you may miss the beautiful adventure that's outside waiting for you.
Days like today I have these moments of almost pure clarity or as I like to think a glimpse of my real, deeper self. The me that has gotten buried by emotional landslides, storms, and far too many natural disasters of the emotional spectrum. I'm in a reflective water like mood where I sort of come to an understanding of who I really am and who I have become. I am flooded with deep thoughts that come and go like streams and waves. I am liquid.
I sit alone sipping my morning coffee, looking out into the silent, sunny, morning. Protected by my house from the outside world. I sit and look at life though my bay windows. The swaying trees are beautiful and the grass is green. It's spring again and the once lifeless, gray, and cold steel sky is blue again. Life is in full bloom. The air is Chilly but it doesn't hurt my skin anymore. The sun has come to warm my bones and my heart is thawing out though I thought it would remain frozen forever. The seasons always seem to mimic my own feelings. I have always been so in tune with nature though at times I have tried to turn my back on it. I seem to always come back. In the coldest, harshest, days of winter I fear that I will never again feel warm and happy but today I realize I am. Even if it is temporary. I stop to crack open my windows and momentarily take in the heavily pollenated air.
There really are so many simple pleasures that I ignore or fail to see when I am blinded my my own pain, sadness, anger, and grief. Yes I tend to be quite miserable sometimes.
Anger and sadness are the outlaws of emotions. They carelessly rob you of all your finer things. If you're not careful they will leave you with nothing at all.
I seem to drift in and out of sleep, in and out of work, in and out of days. The drifting in and out becomes my routine and the days then turn into weeks and even months at times. Drifting is no way to live. Living in silence with my own thoughts can be lonely, cumbersome, and scary. I often find myself functioning on autopilot. Functioning on autopilot, though at times necessary to protect your fragile, emotional self is NOT truly a way to live. You miss a lot of life when you travel that way. If you don't stop and take in the scenery you might get lost and forget where you are or even who you are.
Today I will leave the protective shelter of my house and look at the beauty of the life blooming around me. You can see many things from a bay window, inside your protective shelter but if you never go outside you may miss the beautiful adventure that's outside waiting for you.
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