Karma of the depressed

Is karma real? If so what have I done?
What have I put out into the universe?
I question and question myself. I question everything.
My head spins with anxiety.
They say love with the right person is easy. Love for me has never been easy, leading me to believe I'm difficult. I'm broken. I'm inept.
Unlovable.
Funny and friendly to complete strangers companion and important to none.
Intolerable.
Fake.
Fraudulent.
Too difficult for love.
I have mastered the art of silent weeping. My eyes just leak for hours and I can't stop it.
I ugly, messy cry sometimes but it just takes too much out of me so I just don't. I just shut down.
I hate how I must appear. Weak. Sad. Lonely. Unhappy.  Fucked up.
I am and I know it.
I blame other's I blame life. I blame situations and bad luck but it always starts and ends with me. I'm stuck in a negative thought process. I bubble and ooze negativety
I breed it like bacteria. I breath blackness into the atmosphere around me. I suck you into the black hole.
I wish it weren't so but it is.
My mind.
My life.
My energy.
My enemy.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

And she clung to her vintage jar of sugar crystals; as she stood on the porch to watch the thunderstorm. There's pleasure in the grayness of heavy rain clouds.
Read more

I'm Not a Dinosaur Hunter

Been feeling some type of way. It's 2014 and we have literally everything we could ever need at our fingertips. why then is there more depression, and mental duress than ever? On some strange emotional scale human beings seen to be becoming more and more disconnected every time we plug in or log on to some other amazing new technological device. If you don't know something; Google it. "Google" is no longer a search engine but also an adjective. Are we getting smarter or is that just something we tell ourselves to stay lazy and comfortable wrapped up in our tiny worlds of ipods and instagram? Having coffee with a friend has given way to "snap chats" and Skype. Kids would rather take selfies than take a walk outside. Our society is addicted to social media and more narcissistic than ever. I am guilty of it and it makes me sad. This is not who I dreamed I would be when I was a kid. I thought being an adult was going to be awesome but mostly it's a conf...
Read more
Life rhythm: I ebb , I flow Windows are closed and I can't find the door. Bouncing like a dropped rubber ball ricocheting against every wall. Over and over I come and I go Never finding that place to call home. It burns and I harden like lava to rock Ticking and chiming I run like a clock. Running and running but staying in place Holding back my words trying to save face. Tears replace anger and make it all worse I don't cry because I'm weak I cry because it hurts.
Read more