Would've, Could've, Should've, Grief & Loss.
I have always seen much beauty in the world there is so much happiness and love, I just can't find it within myself. I carry a very thick blanket of darkness. I'm tired of fighting its suffocation.
I feel I've lost everything. I have hurt the ones I love the most. I've been cruel and selfish. It's very hard to live with that. The guilt and pain consume me most days. Thick like fog. I can't see my way out of it.
Call me weak, because I am. I made this bed and I will lay in it. I will die in it.
I have been praying for peace yet it doesn't come. I'm forsaken. Lost.
I am eternally sorry to the depths of my soul for the sadness I have created and spread like a pandemic.
I am a disease.
I can not change the past nor can I see the future. I have failed at motherhood and being a good wife. I haven't been a good friend in far too long. I can't laugh like I used to. My failures are taking their toll and it's a heavy price to pay. I'm tired, so tired all the time. Exhausted.
Everything feels meaningless. I'm not sure exactly when or where is started but I have lost my way. I'm lost and alone.
I don't recognize myself anymore. I don't know where I am or how to get out.
I don't like myself. Inside and out I am not the person I once was. I need rest. I need peace.
I make people laugh, I give good advice. Why can't I do the same for myself?
I always have loved the calm of the beach and the beauty of a sunset or early sunrise. Now they seem colorless, cold, changed, empty.
I pray for forgiveness that seems it won't come.
I have a failed marriage and the ashes of a baby boy. So much is gone and it hurts.
Pray for my soul. I need forgiveness. I need love.
Why can't I be stronger? I'm a ghost passing through rooms, nobody sees me but they feel my chill.
I have taken too much for granted.
The same ocean that I once loved I wish now would swallow me whole in it's waves. I want to wash out to sea and drown there. Then again I'm already drowning here on dry land. Flailing.
I don't want to be angry anymore. I don't want to feel sad anymore. I don't want this hollow in my heart anymore.
Never be afraid to apologize, love, embrace, kiss, make it right. When it's too late, it's too late.
When it's gone, it's gone.
I feel I've lost everything. I have hurt the ones I love the most. I've been cruel and selfish. It's very hard to live with that. The guilt and pain consume me most days. Thick like fog. I can't see my way out of it.
Call me weak, because I am. I made this bed and I will lay in it. I will die in it.
I have been praying for peace yet it doesn't come. I'm forsaken. Lost.
I am eternally sorry to the depths of my soul for the sadness I have created and spread like a pandemic.
I am a disease.
I can not change the past nor can I see the future. I have failed at motherhood and being a good wife. I haven't been a good friend in far too long. I can't laugh like I used to. My failures are taking their toll and it's a heavy price to pay. I'm tired, so tired all the time. Exhausted.
Everything feels meaningless. I'm not sure exactly when or where is started but I have lost my way. I'm lost and alone.
I don't recognize myself anymore. I don't know where I am or how to get out.
I don't like myself. Inside and out I am not the person I once was. I need rest. I need peace.
I make people laugh, I give good advice. Why can't I do the same for myself?
I always have loved the calm of the beach and the beauty of a sunset or early sunrise. Now they seem colorless, cold, changed, empty.
I pray for forgiveness that seems it won't come.
I have a failed marriage and the ashes of a baby boy. So much is gone and it hurts.
Pray for my soul. I need forgiveness. I need love.
Why can't I be stronger? I'm a ghost passing through rooms, nobody sees me but they feel my chill.
I have taken too much for granted.
The same ocean that I once loved I wish now would swallow me whole in it's waves. I want to wash out to sea and drown there. Then again I'm already drowning here on dry land. Flailing.
I don't want to be angry anymore. I don't want to feel sad anymore. I don't want this hollow in my heart anymore.
Never be afraid to apologize, love, embrace, kiss, make it right. When it's too late, it's too late.
When it's gone, it's gone.
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