Coffee

It is in my nature to have a head full of vexations. My disorderly mindedness seems to fixate on what most would deem nonsensical things.

It isn't always easy to survive with a head overrun with so much whimsy and useless knowledge; that may or may not borderline a mildly autistic and insane mindset. Which leads to yet another bad habit of my constant self diagnosis and hypochondria.

Strangely enough I worry about the excessive amounts of K-Cups that I  and the rest of the world burn through. I wonder if mine and the world's obsession with coffee will end in a future filled with trash heaps and un-recycled plastic skyscrapers standing in place of trees and grass?

Coffee is a drug; we are addicted; Keurig is a pimp and we are clearly his bitches.

By comparison Keurig is small time compared to the DON of the coffee mafioso better known as Dunkin Donuts. Nothing we can do but swallow back the bitter blackness and admit our defeat.

I think about a past friend and wonder what ever happened to the woman who lived in the townhouse next door to her who hoarded animals, take out food containers, and her floors were covered in feces. I can't help but feel like her most of the time. Like I'm slowly, metaphorically and methodically burying myself in shit and trash.

Was I a bad friend to you? Am I still a bad friend now? Did I give up on you just because it became too difficult? Did I resent you because I too am a crazy person and dealing with your crazy took too much time away from my own neurosis?

I worry the most about what damage that loving me has caused those who have stuck around in my weird, screwed up, little, life.

I wonder what it was like for you patiently waiting behind my brick wall as I obnoxiously continued to add mortar and more bricks? Why did you wait?

How many times did I reject your commitment to me and how dangerously close did I come to getting what I thought I wanted? 

I never wanted to be alone I just always thought it was easier than making you ride my roller coaster. 

I guess everything may turn out okay. Fasten your seatbelt, keep your hands inside the car and please think about recycling those damn K-Cups.